Saturday, July 14, 2012

Brian Dunkleman Was Right; How "Idol" -and Shows Like it- Pushed Us Past the Point of No Return


For the better part of the last decade, Brian Dunkleman's name has been synonymous with bonehead moves. He's been used as a punch line from Comedy Central to The Simpsons to Family Guy. Most of time playing off of the fact that, by quitting as co-host of American Idol after its first season, he was the dumbest guy, not only in TV, but in America; the "Pete Best of Prime Time," as Howard Stern once called him.

In writer/director Rod Lurie's political thriller, The Contender, The President, played brilliantly by a cynical-yet-noble Jeff Bridges, states "Sometimes greatness comes in the form of sacrifice. That's the loneliest form." Granted, the guy isn't Joan of Arc. He was just a T.V. host. But, the quote does, in fact, apply in regards to what Dunkleman gave up and had to endure (five years on the Hollywood blacklist) because of what he, personally, didn't want to be a part of.

Here was a guy who saw what was happening to the kids on this new, yet untested, show he was the co-star of and, because of that, he made an incredibly tough, and subsequently, wildly unpopular decision to walk away. Did he know he was sacrificing millions at the time? Probably not. But, the show was a hit and he was the host.

He hasn't spoken about his decision to leave Idol in years, but, somehow, while talking with him last week, I managed to get him to open up about it.

"You have to remember," he said, "this was the first time anyone had ever seen abuse like this on national television. And, it was being done to children. On purpose." He goes on to say, "When American Idol first launched back in the summer of 2002, the most awful thing anyone had seen to that point was a bunch of drunken college kids arguing on The Real World or contestants eating a handful of snakes on Survivor."

We talked about the fact that, since that time, it's not uncommon to watch six-year-old pageant contestants push each other off the stage, mothers who encourage that behavior, teens setting homeless people on fire on Youtube, and bimbos hitting each other in the face with frying pans, in the hopes of winning a date with some rich schmuck who'll dump them five seconds after the cameras stop rolling. And, oh yeah, there's still kids being insulted and humiliated all over the place, but, at this point, we're so desensitized to it it's like coming home to a warm bath. It's where we turn for comfort when Drunken Pregnant Teen Moms becomes a bit too much (we still have some standards). Gone are the days when adults criticizing kids was so shocking it prompted Oprah to devote an entire show to it. These days, at some point or another, most of the same producers have done business with her.

I half-jokingly quipped that perhaps Simon Cowell is responsible for the decay of western civilization as we know it, to which he responded, "Simon's a great guy. He really is. And, while it's obviously never one person's fault, he knew, and knows, exactly what he was doing. But, it wasn't just him. It was all of the show's producers moving their focus away from what was supposed to be the show's goal - of finding undiscovered talent - and, instead, zeroing in on finding undiscovered talent they could make cry. To them, adults making children cry in prime time television was a ratings bonanza. It turned out they weren't wrong. But, I wanted no part of it."

As my dad always says, "Pay me now, or pay me later." Well, when it comes to the hedonistic culture we've carved out for ourselves using the twisted and backwards formula Reality Shows+Social Media+Quick-Buck-Lifestyle=happiness, it certainly seems now is "later." And, boy are we paying. It's almost like the entire country signed up to watch an Anti-Tony Robbins seminar and we're all valedictorian.

Almost every aspect of our lives has been dramatically altered by the one-two punch of reality shows and Twitter, followed closely behind by the incessant barrage of online news telling you who's doing better than you. For most of us at this point, real life does, indeed, seem like a reality show:

Wall St. bandits run off with your money and you're stuck having to work two jobs to buy a tank of gas. Meanwhile, some guy shoots everyone in the house next door to you, and your wife finds out you're cheating on her because your girlfriend tweeted it. In between those wonderful moments, the media bombards us with images of celebrities, tech geeks, athletes, and people who are famous for being drunk who make more in five minutes than you will in your lifetime.

Now, grab a beer - or five- and you're ready to flick on that T.V., or laptop, and curl up with pundits arguing, mob wives arguing, teenagers arguing, wannabe chefs, models, and hairstylists arguing, children crying, or the icing on the cake, some serious-ass beatings on UFC!

Of course, let's not forget the parents of the six-year-old kid who made that video Youtube just took down, who defiantly say they're looking forward to video #2. Of course, they are. To them, the controversy means a potential payday. Forget about the fact it's bordering on child abuse to encourage sexual and suggestive behavior between a first grader and strippers. In the end, it's just another news byte.

The reality is, reality T.V. has completely destroyed our sense of decency toward one another, while causing us to re-prioritize our goals. It's more important now that our favorite couple wins Dancing with the Stars than it is to make sure our kid isn't out there snorting bath salts and eating the neighbor's face off.

Nowhere is this sentiment better represented than in the speech given by "Frank," the anti-hero in director Bobcat Goldthwaite's dark dramedy, God Bless America. In it, Frank talks about how, not only have we lost our morals, we wear our shamelessness as a badge of honor. He talks about how the entire country has become the Colosseum and we're the eager Romans. Constantly pining to see the gladiators fight to the death.

If you step back and look at the stories of cannibalism, kid shootings, setting ex-girlfriends on fire (and the towing company making the burned victim pay for her car removal), cutting people up and mailing their body parts, eating your roommate's heart and brain, and cutting out your own intestines and throwing it at the police, to name just a few, he may have a point.

No matter how old or young we are, we all, to some degree or another, emulate what we see on screens, big or small. Remember the 70s movie, The Warriors? People ran out of the theaters, charged into bathrooms, and ripped the sinks out of the walls. Now, imagine The Warriors is on 24/7 on every channel. That's what it's like today. It's amazing they haven't done Barney gets a Beatdown yet on Sprout.

Is there a link between reality shows and reality? The Washington Post reports 63% of adults think this country is on the wrong track. You can't say that none of that comes from the media. We're not just talking reality shows, either. The selfish, quick and easy way is evident all around us. Just ask a Kardashian.

Practically all music played on the radio sounds like it was written, produced, and released in five minutes to parrot the tone of our culture (Call Me, Maybe!) Movies have gone beyond just being sequel-happy. Forget about parts 2 and 3. Studios have no qualms remaking part 1 over and over again (Spiderman) if it means a quick weekend return. Less work, maybe. Less creativity, brain activity, and art. Absolutely. Sure, there will always be some great artists out there, but now you have to wade through a swamp to find them, and by that time, yer covered from head to toe in you-know-what.

Don't think for a second that the folks down at "City Hall" are above all this insanity. The obvious sad "reality" is, our elected officials, the ones we ask to lead by example, seem dead set on trying to do everything they can to emulate the immature, uncompromising, apathetic behavior emulated by reality shows.
br /> Congress is at a stalemate. The Supreme Court argue like infants. And, stubborn governors openly defy the president, promising to refuse his executive orders, so, "Nyah, nyah, nyah to your health care bill!"

Of course, it's not Simon Cowell's fault. But, giving him, and the Cowellettes, twenty different talent shows on five different networks certainly doesn't help matters much.

The way things are now, we could definitely use a few more Brian Dunkleman's. Not only in entertainment, but in business, politics, education, etc.

You can keep your mega-rich Ryan Seacrest's. I'll take a broke Brian Dunkleman anytime, and twice on Sunday.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

"Shorely, You Can't Be Serious." (Residents of Pt. Pleasant Vote for Booze Curfew)


If there's anyone who knows what it's like to live in a noisy part of town, it's yours truly. A few years back, I moved to Hoboken with the hope of avoiding the calamity and insanity of Manhattan. Little did I know the quiet I so desperately desired would be short-lived, as the incessant noises of "progress" began, in earnest, shortly after.

Nowadays, you might as well call the area around my building "Post-War Iraq." With half a dozen new condos going up (as well as a Trader Joe's), the reconstruction of the viaduct linking us to Jersey City (personally, I feel we should sever it), the six-nights-a-week garbage pick up (at 3:30a.m.), and the screaming, drunken stragglers stumbling out of the Biergarten down the street each and every weekend, I think I can identify with the residents of Point Pleasant, N.J., who, in their own desperate attempt for peace and quiet, just voted to cease the sale of alcohol after midnight beginning July 1.

A second part of the law, which would have allowed bars wanting to remain open 'til 2 to pay a sixty-dollar per-person "extortion tax," was voted down.

As much as I empathize with their situation, I have to ask; "Are you Nuts?"

Trading a few extra "theoretical" hours of peace and quiet in exchange for the decimation of a sizable chunk of the town's revenue, just doesn't make sense. Besides, noisy, drunken revelers are as much a part of the tapestry of the Jersey Shore as high rent and sirens are to Manhattan. They've been around longer than the dinosaurs.

In the long run, there's little chance this ordinance will succeed, because the consequences will be too dire.

A few examples of these consequences might be:

a). Many regulars who vacation in Point Pleasant will simply vacate to the surrounding towns.

b). As a result of this mass exodus, revenue will drop considerably, thus, the city council will be forced to raise taxes.

c). When the clock strikes 11:55, patrons will line up ten shots of Patron in order to beat the curfew. This will, no doubt, result in more D.U.I's and raise the risk of injury to residents and tourists alike.

d). Why stop there? If the midnight alcohol ban is successful, the city council will move for a noise ordinance requiring private residences to shut down parties after midnight. The subsequent loss of interest in the Point Pleasant rental market will be substantial.

Perhaps the people of Point Pleasant got the idea for the alcohol curfew from their neighbors in Sea Girt, as they already have a midnight ban on alcohol. The problem is, there are two major differences: One is, Sea Girt is an affluent town and doesn't rely on revenue from its bars to thrive. The second is, Sea Girt only has a few bars to begin with, compared with literally dozens in Point Pleasant. Thus, the financial damage for the city of Point Pleasant will be exponentially greater.

At present, folks in Sea Girt who wish to party past midnight simply jump in a cab and head to one of the surrounding towns. If the same is true for Point Pleasant, the one industry that will undeniably benefit from this curfew will be the taxi companies.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Is Facebook Knowingly Allowing Counterfeit Websites to Access Your Information?


There are scores of unanswered questions when it comes to the kinds of tactics advertisers are using these days to better monitor our shopping habits and the things we 'like.'

Both Apple and Google have already been caught with their pants down, secretly trying to keep tabs on where we go and what we do. There's little doubt, these gigantic companies we're entrusting to protect our data and keep it out of the hands of those who would use it for unfair or illegal purposes can't keep their eyes on everything all the time. They're simply too big and there's too much data being exchanged to hope for that kind of Utopian reality.

For instance, take the area of counterfeit merchandising. The selling of phony, unlicensed goods to unsuspecting consumers through overseas, and sometimes local, websites is one of the world's fastest-growing illegal business scams. In part, because these Internet criminals are using more sophisticated and brazen ways to pinpoint and target what you may currently be in the market for.

Case in point, apparently Facebook (surprise) is once again on the hot-seat for allowing sites that sell counterfeit merchandise to run rampant through its backyard, all while under the guise of a legitimate "umbrella" marketing company. The kicker here being the biggest alleged umbrella is in China. And, as most of us know, due to its networking potential, Facebook is currently illegal in China.

However, according to Eric Feinberg, founder of F.A.K.E. (Fans Against Kounterfeit Enterprise), a little government censorship's not stopping companies based in mainland China from marketing their services to companies - both legitimate, and fraudulent - worldwide.

"We have concrete proof that Facebook is not only allowing, but obviously, profiting, off the monitoring of its users by companies whose sole purpose is to take that data and use it to sell you counterfeit merchandise."

According to Feinberg, the main suspect in this case is a Shanghai-based marketing giant called adSage. Founded by former Microsoft adCenter programmer/manager, ZhaoHui Tang, adSage is the official partner of Facebook as it tries to claw its way into the lucrative, and virtually untapped, Chinese marketplace. adSage boasts over 3000 clients worldwide. Some are legitimate - such as Lever Bros. and top Chinese search engine, Baidu, - and some are not. These 'nots' are illegal overseas businesses which sign up for the same Facebook targeted marketing campaigns as the real guys. What supposedly happens next is exactly what Facebook says it's not doing; the covert monitoring of your activity and posts, and the mining of your data, which is then sent to these clients and used to create customized "clickable" ads specifically pertaining to what you just discussed or posted, as recently as twenty minutes ago. And, if these con-artists are willing to sell you bogus goods without blinking, imagine what else they're doing with your data.

The problem here is two-fold: Obviously, being sent links from illegal companies posing as the real deal is one. The other, is the massive ethical and fiduciary responsibility Facebook is potentially violating by allowing adSage, and companies like it, to tap into its application's software code and track your movements without your knowledge. This process even has a name: A.F.P. "adSage For Performance." Which, the company website boldly boasts, "means quicker classification and behavior of the user... which is then available in a fraction of the time to adSage's analytical team." Or, loosely translated, "We can tell you who they are, where they are, and exactly what they're looking for, in about ten minutes."

Feinberg, who designs and manages numerous Facebook fan/promotional pages for various professional sports teams, claims when he mentions the Pro Bowl funny things begin happening. "The Pro Bowl takes place in Hawaii, so Facebook and its marketers think I live in Hawaii, thus, within minutes, adds for all things Hawaiian begin appearing on my page. Not to mention the deluge of counterfeit NFL merchandise." Kay'Lee Wells, one of Feinberg's associates, experimented by changing her profile pic to a bag by designer Louis Vuitton, and, the very next day, she began seeing ads for counterfeit Louis Vuitton bags. "Whenever I changed my cover photo or made comments about certain things, ads would pop up," she added.

You don't need a Ph.D. from Stanford to see the long-term implications of guerrilla tactics such as these are much scarier than buying a fake Green Bay Packers jersey. For instance, a new virus has recently appeared which targets your browser, not your hard drive, making it virtually impossible to detect. How does it spread? Clicking on a link. It's a sobering thought knowing even the companies who swear up and down they're not selling your data might not even be aware they're doing it. If, in fact, they are aware, that's another subject, entirely.

Bottom line, no matter who they are or what they're doing with our information, three things are for certain:

1. Congress is light years behind technology with regard to the passage of new laws and the creation of more rigid parameters that can better keep up with, and better regulate, this constantly-evolving medium. But, who are we kidding? By the time the 'Hatfields' and 'McCoys' agree on what to have for breakfast, a hundred new websites have already launched, looking to steal your information, and/or identity, and doing it with technology that was state-of-the-art yesterday but is obsolete, today. It's the socio-political equivalent of a Keystone Cop trotting along in a horse and buggy and being blown away by an army of passing Lamborghinis. How will he ever catch them? Factor in the problem of international prosecution and you've got yourself one heck of a virtual nut to crack.

2. Facebook is the biggest entity the online world, and possibly the entire world, has ever seen. And yet, with all the potential pitfalls of identity theft, stalking, harassment, pedophilia, credit card fraud, application hacking, counterfeiters, new browser viruses, and a litany of other potential nightmares from a now publicly-traded company, the fact that there's not a single human being you can call for assistance is simply beyond belief.

3. Tang Zhaohui just might be the modern day Freddy Krueger.

(surprisingly, no one at Facebook was available for comment.)

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Excerpt From Awesome Hate Mail



(love the fact he spelled 'paid' p-a-y-e-d.)

I was just treated to the typical vitriolic bile put forth by your "writer/producer/musician" (i.e. probably unemployed or someones boyfriend) David Fagin, in his article entitled "Have You No Decency Sirs (An open letter to the GOP). Without wasting my time countering the perfunctory liberal idiocy in this editorial, I find it incomprehensible that you would cho...ose to publish an amateurish diatribe such as this which, although not be taken seriously by anyone with half a brain, is still a gross insult to conservatives, who in case you haven't taken notice, are by far the dominant political affiliation of most doctors and upper level health professionals. I would assume that you wish to attract advertisers and new readers to your publication. Nothing like insulting those who you desire to spend money advertising in your newspaper. I would think that not pissing off those with whom you wish to do business would be taught on the first day of Marketing 101. Were I one of the doctors or health care organizations that payed good money to advertise in your publication, I would be infuriated that my advertisement was heralded by this kind of liberal stupidity, and would demand a refund . There is a bright side to this however, as the decline in readership will consume less paper and save a couple of trees, which I'm sure will make your liberal friend Mr. Fagin feel all warm and fuzzy.

J. Michael Digney, D.D.S.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dear Girls Under 30: Why Must You Be So Mean?


What's going on with you? I'm here. Talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you. Are you afraid to show your true selves? Do you think your peers will ostracize you if you're nice to strangers, or you show up to the club in flip-flops instead of the six-inch "One blockers" your clique are all sporting?

There I was, sitting in a bar in Hoboken. My date gets up to use the bathroom, and, not two seconds later, two other, much younger girls come over and one plops right down in her seat -- even though her pocket book was on the bar and her jacket was on the chair. So, I politely say, "Excuse me, my friend's coming back. She just went to the bathroom." I fully expected the usual "No problem. We just want a drink." Instead, to my total shock, the girl looked me dead in the eye and coldly replied -- in the nastiest, "What are you gonna do about it" tone -- "So?"

Walking through downtown Hoboken later that night, and watching the hordes of young, attention-hungry females strutting around in pants they don't fit in and shoes they can't walk in, I became despondent -- not only for the poor souls who might, one day, end up fathering a child with these misguided ladies -- but, more so, for the girls themselves; not to mention, society, in general.

Where did it all go wrong? How did the Saturday night social scene end up turning into a cosmetically altered version of The Hunger Games? I'm not just talking about the Guidos/Guidettes one might find in Hoboken. Everywhere you go these days, N.Y., L.A., Amish country, wherever, it feels like you're trapped in some B movie called Attack of the Nasty Stepford Girls. You can literally feel the rudeness and insincerity seething from their pores. And, ironically, in their quest to be the most attractive, the most popular, the most unique, and the most desirable, these personality-deficient fembots succeed only in becoming carbon copies of each other. And, not in a positive way.

Girls will always want to outcool and outshine each other, but, since when did they begin dressing so poorly and behaving so badly?

Granted, I'm 44, so, it could easily be that I've caught the "generation disease" from my folks, and, instead of waking up one day hating rock music (which I'm still terrified will happen), I woke up and realized women under 30 might as well be aliens.

I don't listen to their music, don't understand their text abbreviations, cannot even fathom why they need to display their feathers in such an obvious and unflattering way, and thus, am completely, yet blissfully, unattracted to them in every way, shape, and form. Not all of them, of course, but a large enough percentage of the demographic to prompt this letter/query.

And, why does it seem like this segment of the population is multiplying like a fungus on a piece of cheese? Again, maybe I'm too old to appreciate rudeness, catty looks, horribly bad make-up jobs, and shoes that make even the sturdiest of women look like new-born giraffes, but something is definitely wrong.

I hate to say it, but, "In my day," I simply can't remember girls, in general, being this nasty as a general rule. Twenty years ago, the worst thing a "mean girl" ever did was sleep with your boyfriend and show up at school the next day wearing his varsity jersey. Now, it seems, each night, there's at least a dozen incidents of women looking for a reason to smash glass or dump beer on each other, as if they were men, then, victoriously storm off to the diner to laugh about it. "Wha hap'n?"

From an observer's p.o.v., it definitely appears the onslaught of low-brow garbage spewed forth by every cable channel and magazine under the sun, combined with the constant Instagrams of "You're not cool unless you're drunk by a pool in South Beach!" has told most young women of today they need to carry themselves in a manner which suggests they're porn stars and their brains are fried, just like their television idols. Most women these days, even some married ones, come off as subtle as a piano dropping on your head. They leave about as much to the imagination as a Jenna Jameson marathon.

Though, it's not entirely their fault. The ever-widening gap of human interaction brought on by social media has apparently not only altered the part of our brains that affect how we relate to each other socially, but also, physically. When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, everything has to be immediate gratification. Perfectly fake boobs, perfectly coiffed hair, perfectly tanned skin, perfectly picked out dress (two sizes too small), and a pair of perfectly trendy, incredibly uncomfortable shoes. Lay one of these girls down flat and you could incur severe tire damage.

On the bright side, while it's incredibly depressing to see what a large percentage of the country's youth have been reduced to, these sadly desperate, fashion victims, who walk around pretending they're the guest of honor in their own reality shows, make it easier for those of us with even the slightest bit of class and taste to spot the good ones, as they can't help but stand out like a sore thumb in their loose-yet-cool ripped blue jeans, Yankees jersey and flip flops. Of course, they're probably mean, too, but I don't have the guts to find out.

There's already one Kim K., ladies -- and that's one too many. Make your own 'reality.'

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Where Have We Seen This Before?


By now, most of us have heard "Golden Dawn," the Greek Neo-Nazi party who claim they're not Neo-Nazis, shocked, not only the Greeks, but the rest of the world, by winning close to 7% in Greece's parliamentary elections - meaning they will be sending around 21 deputies to parliament in the coming months.

Running on a campaign based around anti-immigration, anti-austerity, and all-around fear, Golden Dawn's leader, Nikolaos Mihaloliakos (try saying that five times fast) took advantage of his country's economic and social hopelessness to instill his message of hate to the masses. And, he was sadly rewarded. Fascist salutes, and all.

After the decimation of the German economy in the 1930s, another man ran on almost the exact same platform; blaming immigrants and "outsiders" for his country's problems, capitalizing on the current government's ineptitude and inability to produce any kind of meaningful change, and re-infusing a belief in national pride. Not to mention, promising to simply "cleanse" the country of the outsiders once he was in power.

If news traveled then as fast as it does now, would it have mattered? Maybe, maybe not. But, it certainly will be interesting to see how this situation develops. One would hope the majority of Greeks recognize the slippery slope their country is standing on at this moment in time. It's very easy to say "Ah, that'll never happen again." But, who knows? A few thousand immigrants killed or deported here, a little more power there, the United Nations taking years to decide how to act... and, presto!, by 2016, Greece is now Libya w/ nicer beaches.

In dire circumstance, most people will agree to almost anything if it means their lives will get a little better, even if it means ultimately turning a blind eye to crimes against humanity. Of course, it doesn't happen overnight. It takes time to nurture a Big Brother.

Look at any dictator from Hitler to Stalin to Mussolini, and they all come from the same place: The promise of radical change to a vanquished people devoid of hope. Mihaloliakos' motto seems to be, "Ask not, what you can do for your country. Ask what your country can do for you!" He realizes his people are tired of living the other way with zero sign of reciprocity. So, "Why not be selfish and hate? You've tried everything else."

For most of us, when we are broke and hungry and angry and weak, we are tremendously vulnerable to the voice that might provide a quick remedy to the situation, e.g., sending a security detail to walk your elderly mother home through crime-infested streets at night. That one, simple act, - compared to feeling like your voice is lost - could prove all that's necessary for a vote of confidence in the next election - don't worry about what the consequences might be down the line, e.g., perhaps they make you begin paying for that protection, beating up your friends and neighbors who refuse, etc., - but, hey, for the time being, they understand your frustrations. When there's no money to feed your children, no job to give you the money you need, and no one seems to give a damn, you can't help but feel it's all about "Me, Me, Me." It comes down to a question of survival.

But, if, at this critical juncture, the Greeks who think this fascist meatball is the answer to their prayers, would pause for just a moment, history could teach them a great lesson and save them years of additional pain and heartache. All they need to do is open a text book to see, the one thing about a people uniting around hate is, it never produces anything but more hate. It can't. Whether you're an individual or a society, you can never get good from bad. Especially when you blame others for your problems.

By now, most of us know, racism isn't born. It's taught. Case in point, Denis Leary's poignant quote "I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list."

No doubt, Mihaloliakos, and every single one of his menacing, shaved-headed followers hate and blame because, somewhere along the line, they were taught to hate and blame. Now, seeing their opening, they stand on Mt. Olympus beckoning others toward their cause with the same hatred and blame. Unfortunately, not everyone can be strong enough to resist the easy way out during times of crisis. That's called "character." Some people possess it, some people are one. Mihaloliakos is definitely the latter.

If the Greek people, in their quest for their own, personal salvation, choose to ignore the "downside" of electing a party based on hate, they will, once again, only have themselves to blame. And, of course, then it will be time for another type of "bailout."

Thursday, May 3, 2012

A Top 10 List of Other Things Gingrich Refuses to Give Up On.


Isn't it just a shame when everyone but you knows it's over? I'm all for the "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings" attitude, but, when others are hurt due to your stubbornness, (e.g., costing tax payers tens of thousands of dollars a day for your secret service detail, continuing to add millions in debt w/ each passing day, etc.), it's time you realized, the fat lady is dressed, showered, and left for the after party an hour ago.

There's a lot to be said for not quitting at something, but there's also a lot to be said for knowing when to quit. And, both scenarios require an individual just as brave. Mr. Gingrich was the last to realize his battle for the presidency ended months ago, yet, he selfishly refused to acknowledge reality, and, instead, continued to run up huge bills for private jets, consulting fees paid to his wife and daughter, and dinners at Spago. That makes him the last to the party, and, no doubt, leaves the taxpayers, once again, footing the bill (if you think fund raisers with the guy who lost the GOP nomination - again - will pay it all back, you're dreaming). Someone call the producers of American Greed. Anyhoo, here's a list of the top ten things the 'Newtster' still hasn't given up on:

10. Slimfast
9. Marriage
8. Adultery
7. New Foghat Album
6. President of China
5. Hypocrisy
4. Nepotism
3. Non-working Woodshop Elephant Trunk Lamp
2. Beatles Reunion
1. Spending other people's money/ruining the Gingrich family name (tie)