Monday, April 28, 2014

NFL Cheerleaders Need to Get a Clue


I'm as much against sexual discrimination -- or any kind of discrimination for that matter -- as the next guy. But, when news surfaced that Buffalo Bills cheerleader "Alyssa U." and her co-workers are suing the organization for "sexual objectification," the only thing I could think was, "WTF?!" Are they serious?

Let's be real here, folks; A cheerleader suing a football team for sexual objectification is like a comedian suing a comedy club for expecting laughs.

Newsflash, sweetie: You're a C-h-e-e-r-l-e-a-d-e-r. You get paid to look good. And, guess what? In order to be considered good-looking, your looks have to play a big part. I mean, what did you expect? To be picked for the squad, then be able to binge on Oreo's and Krispy Kreme's and still have a job? If you're that upset about the fact that you get judged on how well-toned parts of your body are, perhaps cheerleading is the wrong field for you?

If you choose to spend your days jumping around in skin tight outfits, being ogled at by thousands of fans, hanging out around professional athletes, and being on T.V. and on a million guys' screensavers, then a "Jiggle Test" is par for the course, hun.

And, call me crazy, but I think a straight-forward, sterile evaluation of your looks on a spreadsheet is much more beneficial for everyone involved. Imagine the uncomfortable conversation a squad leader would have to have with each girl as she delicately tries to hint at the fact that her under arms swish around like a lava lamp? This way, it's completely clear and to the point, with no emotion or personal b.s. getting in the way.

Personally, if I was you, in this line of work, I'd consider an I.Q. test to be discriminatory. As it has nothing to do with how well you can do your job.

Had these girls come forward with stories of Jiggle Tests from the halls of IBM or Microsoft, then they'd have something. If they accused their bosses of turning the workplace into a scene right out of MadMen, with fifty "Don Drapers" in each dept. demanding they jump around their offices in order to keep their receptionist jobs, then they'd have my full support.

And, let's not even talk about the allegations of the demeaning treatment at "Golf Outings," as anyone who's ever been to a high profile, expensive golf event knows, there's booze tents at every hole - each of which is staffed by pretty girls in tight shorts trying to get you to buy their company's alcohol. And with a couple of hundred intoxicated, rowdy guys and their buddies regressing back to high school behavior, it's a miracle no liquor girl has ever reported being thrown in the back of a golf cart and driven into the woods.

Obviously, no one is condoning rude, obnoxious, or illegal behavior, but if, on your resume, you list "hot chick" as a previous position, then you should know exactly what to expect. If you don't believe me, call any stand-up comic and ask them about the "Giggle Test."